satu hari sebelum..

pagi ini saya masih terjaga. 2:32.
Jogja dingin sekali dan saya tetap memaksa diri untuk membasahi diri, berwudhu.
perasaan saya sering berkecamuk akhir-akhir ini.
mungkin hanya sujud-sujudlah yang mampu menenangkan saya.

tertantang, senang, kecewa, haru, dan sedih silih berganti setiap hari.
entah ini hari keberapa sejak saya tidak bisa merasakan nyamannya tidur di malam hari.
entah ini pagi keberapa sejak saya selalu merasakan debaran jantung saya yang terlalu keras.

saya tengok lagi aplikasi penanggal di telepon genggam saya, juga entah telah berapa kali.
hari ini tanggal 3, satu hari sebelum....
entah apa yang akan terjadi.

jalan saya Dia buat terlalu berliku (menurut saya)
tapi (menurut saya pula), akan ada hikmah yang sangat-sangat besar dari ini semua.

saya bukanlah manusia dengan jutaan sel-sel yang terlalu aktif di kepala saya.
tapi saya percaya, kesungguhan dan kejujuran pasti akan dapat membawa saya
pada apa-apa yang baik nantinya walaupun tak tentu manusia lain meneyadarinya.

sekarang saya pasrahkan padaNya..

-sujudku padaMu, Allah..-

nothing last forever (maroon 5)

It is so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness kills us both

I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
I just don't know

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

A bed that's warm with memories
Can heal us temporarily
The misbehaving only makes
The ditch between us so damn deep

Built a wall around my heart
I'll never let it fall apart
But strangely I wish secretly
It would fall down while I'm asleep

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you, babe

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Though we have not hit the ground
Doesn't mean we're not still falling,
Oh I want so bad to pick you up
But you're still too reluctant to accept my help
What a shame, I hope you find somewhere to place the blame
But until then the fact remains

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
Nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

kangen...

kita telusuri rasa-rasa yang menggebu menderu
ketika apa-apa yang mengekang nurani lepas seiring datangnya pagi

aku dan kalian
kisah-kisah yang lalu kuanggap semu
kini jadi purnama di hati

**hujan sekarang ini menambah dinginnya rasa itu**
selamat malam :)

Questioning My Self -- On The Morning Like This

-- are u happy? --
--yes, I am --

hi, people! -___-"

hello, people.. it's just a short entry in a very crowded mind since i have a lot of things to do and a lot of sadness inside my heart and mind...

i don't know why, but i just really want to go back to some years ago.. when things were going well and could be controlled...
i don't know why, but it's just so difficult for me now to make my heart, mind, and logic run in the same way...

i need my mind back
i need my logic back

i need the bad feelings go....
and the good things won't come to an end =(

nite, people!

Quote of The Day

when everything goes wrong on me... i just stop and talk to myself that...

"i have to be strong in patience"

Hello, loneliness... we meet again in I (don't) miss u so..

love.. love.. loneliness...

(picture from : http://monstrousappetite.wordpress.com)